OMG.....What a day!

On Sunday my brother took my mother to the hospital as she was in alot of pain... They admitted her and loaded her up on morphine. When I went to see her sunday morning - she looked terrible. When I went Sunday afternoon she looked a bit better(her coloring) but she was 'out of it'. During our visit she didnt come consious (drugs folks) but started turning this terrible grey color. My brother realized that her oxygen had come 'un plugged'. There was no monitor for oxygen so goodness knows how low it was - or if anyone would have found it had we not been there. Anyhow - it was a bit of a shock as she was very limp and wouldnt 'come around' (so my husband tells me afterwards he thinks she may have 'fainted' (I thought she died :( )

So yesterday morning i am at work (yes at work at home) and my sister calls to tell me that mom's family doctor called and that mom's pain in her back is the same sort of pain thats in her legs - the pain in her legs is caused from lack of oxygen (smoking folks) and basically there is nothing that they can do about the pain except to 'ease' it.

Well my sister and I have our conversation - saying it's awful...not overly upset (It's pain but she's alive - it's not cancer etc). And we hang up (Note: during the conversation she tells me that the doctor was calling our dad with the same update).

About 3 minutes later she calls again....first words...."Sue....I'm Sorry" and she's bawling crying....i immediately start crying..I'm like 'What?!"...she says "Well dad called and he said 'we're goign to lose her...he's going to lose his baby' and He's crying.....i have to go to the hospital. "
to make a long story short - i got wes to take dad and deb(sister) to the hospital and had asked him to check for himself. Well Wes didnt go in as they had said she was going for an xray....blah blah blah....

So i'm at home...to be frank...I was hysterical....i was bawling and crying and going on......finally calming down around 2pm - I knew i didnt want to go to the hospital until i was calmed down as that woudl make mom upset etc. I had made a few calls (hospital, Wes) and my sister calls me back.....Well I guess she was talking to the doctor and nurses and "dad's doctor just didnt sugar coat anything"....and dad got really upset. (and that was when she called me back hysterical).

Well thinking back I should have known that all along. She had just got off the phone with the SAME doctor...SAME update. I should have known that all dad heard was 'there's nothign we can do about it'.....it being the PAIN...versus...it being 'her life'.....

I guess it was quite a cry fest at the hospital as my brothers were there when dad and deb got there yesterday. Jeez....

Anyhow - do i think my mom will come out of that hospital?? I have no idea to be honest with you. I know she's pretty freaking strong. By the time i left she had told dad to go home and not come back til tomorrow (today) and only after his doctor's appt. She had taken my tim hortons coffee and drank that and also taken the hard candy *from my fathers mouth* cause she wanted it.... do i think she's going to quit smoking (and drinking) - i highly doubt it. She's 73 years old.....my dad says that either the smoking will kill her or the 'want of a cigarette' will kill her - doesnt know which is worse.

Moral of the story - Quit if you can - i'm not going to be some ex smoker who tells you all this horse shit - i want a smoke today - i know it's hard and if you dont have moral support around you (I have moral support X100) the cigarettes will lure you in.....I used to beleive that you could only quit *if* every one around you quit......I think it's true for me.... but my Dad who smoked for years and years quit about 2 years ago - QUIT - did he relapse? yep - did he quit again? Yep when he couldnt breathe again.........

-know the ppl you are dealing with - i hsould have known that hearing dad upset would spark her to be upset...and I know she's a drama queen (ok not 'a drama queen' she is THE drama queen haha). so i shoudl hav eknown - and i beat myself up for getting so upset.

Lastly - Go and see your mom or your dad....you dont know how long you have and it may be too late.