Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mothers Day to you!

My wishes are not to the 'perfect' mothers out there...the hallmark mothers.... the ones so seemingly perfect or who want their lives to appear so perfect! This mothers day wish is for those mothers who secretly cringe as this day approaches..... (the ones described in Melody Ross' blog post).  The ones who make mistakes, cry over those mistakes and get over them...or at least try to get over them.

This mothers day wish is for the mothers of teenagers who are going through a rough patch.

This wish is for those mothers who wonder where they went wrong - how they could have done 'better'. 

This wish is for the mothers who wish away the 'mistakes' that they think they may have made in raising their babies, children, teens....

All i know for sure is that every mother...EVERY mother that I have ever encountered has done or tried to do the very BEST that they could.  Their mistakes were never to intentionally harm or 'mis-raise' their child.  They were doing their best with what they knew at the time.  This is a very trial and error profession which starts with these tiny human beings - with no instruction manual - just figure it out kinda work. 

There are LOTS of 'perfect' mothers out there who look down on or criticize us not so perfect mothers and to them - go and grab a Hallmark card and enjoy.

For the rest of us - I encourage you to not compare yourself with other mothers-  we try to teach our children this basic skill (well at least I do) - you will fail everytime.  (sidenote: unless you are 'perfect' - then go get your Hallmark - you dont need this post my friend.  :) ).

There will always be children who behave better than yours in public - there will always be children who are dressed 'just so'.  There are always children that never get into trouble....well you get the idea.... Please stop comparing yourself.

It's easy to do - just go on Facebook - especially today - and see all the 'You're the BEST mom ever' - and how can we measure up when we 'secretly' know that we are NOT the best - or as good as or whatever - just know that you have done the very best that could.

Sometimes you have to be a little less than 40 (but really close to 40) to 'get' this - sometimes you have to lose YOUR mother to get this. 

I can tell you stories about 'not so great' times with my mom - and decisions she made that -  in my teens and 20's and even my 30's - I could NOT understand.  As a 'new' mother - I thought to myself 'How could she do that?"(i was perfect then haha).  With teens of my own, losing my mom, and retrospect I now know that she did the best that SHE could.  She never meant to hurt anyone - if she could have she would have went back and done things differently - but you dont get that option in life.  It's a one shot deal.   Do I think she was the BEST mother ever? Yep I do.  Was she perfect? Nope she wasn't.  Would I have traded her for anything? Not a chance (side note: Thank God my wishes didnt come true as a spoiled teenager and I had 'any' other parents than mine).

I remember talking to my husband when we first met and over the years - my husband-by the way is very wise- and him talking about some of his childhood (I will not go into details as this is a public forum ).  I remember thinking - HOW? How can these parents act this way? How can they say these things?  What I didnt (know for sure) until my 30's is that they DID the BEST that they could - they really did - they knew no other way.  I dont recommend their parenting style - although my husband is pretty freaking awesome and he turned out WAYY good - so perhaps I will rethink that too..... but they did their very BEST.

This brings me to the cover of TIME magazine - you know the one - with the mother breastfeeding the three year old boy.  My first reaction was the same as alot of folks - and that was shock - and a bit of 'gross-me-out'-ness.  I havent read the article - and can only assume that the article was written to educate attachment parenting (or whatever its called).  Theres a lot of folks with alot of opinions on this - both for and against.  I have NO IDEA how this kid will turn out - and neither does anyone else.  I believe in my heart that she is doing the BEST that she knows how to do.   It drives me crazy the posts that what she is doing is wrong - and it drives me crazy the posts that what she is doing is right - she is doing the BEST that she knows how to do.  The fact that the title is 'Are you Mom enough?' truly pisses me off - I did NOT breastfeed my kids - well I did one for a short time - and that was a decision that we made - and again we made the best decision at the time with what we knew.
This title goes against everything that we should be doing - WHY are we comparing ourselves to others? We each walk our own road.  Damned magazines trying to sell issues - buying into our weaknesses - ohhh damn- if I had breastfed my kids til they were in school they would have turned out SOO much better.... I bet math would have been a breeze for Tara if only......

Ok sorry I digressed there......hehe... I tend to do that.

So what I wanted to say.... Happy Mothers day to all the "NOT" Perfect mothers out there!  Keep doing the best you can!  It's not easy!  We *might* come out on the other side -


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