Saturday, January 08, 2011

wondering where I am?

My last post was October 23 - the following day I went to an scrapbooking

'overnighter' with some great friends - thank goodness I did - cause shortly after I went into 'lock down'!

On the Tuesday after this weekend my father had to go to the hospital as he wasnt feeling good - pain in his back - he normally doesnt ask me to take him - normally asks my brother (who is out of work due to illness), I should have known something was up!

About 2 hours into the wait - my dad looks at me and starts breaking down - and says "I cannot stay alone...."

Susan - "well do you want to come to my house?"

Dad - "well - if you'll have me...."

And so Dad came home with me the following night!

Kailie lost her room upstairs - got it cleaned out and Dad moved in.

I have a wonderful nephew who helped wes put a bathroom in downstairs (keeps the morning fighting away from dad)

....We divided the downstairs livingroom in two and made Kailie a bedroom down there......

It has been a huge adjustment - people are very set in their ways!

TV is now in his control - on and watching what he likes when he likes........(watching csi - tv goes off 15 mins before its done) - quite an adjustment for my husband :)

Breakfast 8am, Dinner 12pm and Supper 5pm (moved to 6-630 due to me WORKING!!) ALL made by me- if wes does it - he's a saint - if i do it - its my duty!

I dont go anywhere - "where are you going?" "what time will you be back?" - he cant be left alone - or so he thinks - I work from home - so I'm here all the time

I took a day off in November - thinking I'd relax - he had me out grocery shopping - picking things up - which is normal - the next day my internet connection/phones went down - no work that day or the next - well a bit but not much - three days off for 'nothing'!

Thank goodness for one of my brothers - he comes two or three times a week - and usually once a week takes him for supper---

I did get out to Halifax for my birthday - and went to see Mamma Mia - my sister came and stayed the night - but left at noon - we called from Moncton and he wanted to know when we'd be home - hmmm not used to this :(

Sort of feel like i'm 16 again ......

On top of this - Oldest daughter is getting into trouble and has issues that I dont know how to help (went to counseling but that ended yesterday????) Her latest boyfriend - is a real piece of work -

My youngest is doing ok - but as some may know we've had our struggles with her this year as well.......and have to closely monitor :)

December 13 my basement flooded - luckily I was home during that time - and caught it early - at most 1.5inches - EMO tells us all flooring needs to be replaced - no insurance coverage.....

December 20 - jammed my finger in my office door - off to hospital for 3 stitches to hold the end of my finger on - yuck! On my right hand - and not a christmas present wrapped!!!

Got my gifts wrapped in time - had a great christmas - it was sad without mom - broke down a few times -

Im disappointed with how many visit Dad - some dont really 'care' for me - which is fine - but he's your father/grandfather - make an effort -cause he's not going to be around forever!!

Did i mention I work a 'more than full time' job on top of this???

So Now it's January - where the hell did the time go???

I know that some friends dont understand - or maybe just didnt realize what is happening or wont understand what I'm going through - and that is ok. I am truly sorry if you feel 'ignored' or dont feel i'm being a good friend - but right now I dont have anything else IN me to give......

I gotta end on a positive...........good things that have come from this:

I have a fabulous friend who doesnt hesitate to help - she cleans my house every week - talks to my dad and he looks forward to her visit (I do too!) (yeah i pay her but thats not the point)....

Another of my friends is so supportive - I know that I can just call her up and she'll be there -

My brother is a life saver - my niece brings food once in a while - both are greatly greatly appreciated!!!

My older brother/sisterinlaw, niece and nephew - gave Wes and I movie money and a g/c for a restaurant - so we could go out - I cried - I know it seems dumb but it was the thought/gesture that got me :)

Kailie loves loves loves the routine (defintely routine!)

I wont regret doing this - some day I will be thankful that I did it........even with the 'stifling' i feel

I have to save money - I dont go any where - haha -

I've lost a couple pounds (literally 2 haha) probably from not going anywhere - and not eating out - those great home cooked meals haha!

Wes and I are trying to plan to go south -we werent going to but we both need it - (he's been fabulous of course :) ) Cant wait to see how we make out with that - and how dad makes out (gotta get someone to look after him and the girls - Niece has offered)

So if you are wondering - that's what's going on......


Kimmartha said...

Hey you,

So good to see you here again! I really miss our Tuesday night "outs" - hopefully we can start again this week. I hope you are taking care of you - maybe you need a sue-napping...heehee!!

xo K

"The real" MarthaSue said...

yes i missed you last week - I went!!! down 1.5lbs - since Nov!

I am not doing a good job of it - let me tell ya! but things will be better!

Hollee said...

I have had to take on the same weight. When Papa went into the hospital, Nan was all alone in the house with us. It's as if your life is not your own and everything revolvs around them. I can tell you 2 things for certain. You will feel like you are beyond the end of your rope. Frazzled, exhausted, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed etc. That's normal. The 2nd thing is that you'll be thankful and greatful for the opportunity to have him with you adn won't regret any of it. HUGS to you and if you ever need a shoulder, I have 2 that a quarterback would kill for. :)

The Original Princess said...
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The Original Princess said...

Wow, you've had a tough go of things in the last little while. What really got me about your post is that you are apologizing for not being able to give any more. I believe that all relationships/friendships take work. However, those who are in it for the long haul will be able to pick up right where you left off. Even if you had to disappear for awhile.
You and Melanie should form your own support group for children caring for their parents. :)

Thinking about you. Take care!

That deleted post was me. I left out half a sentence my mistake.

PamelaM said...

Big hugs to you, Sue. I won't even pretend to imagine what life has been for you these last few months. You are an amazing person.

PS - I am game for a sue-napping too.

Enjoy next week and have one for me.

Queen Mel said...

oh Sue what a shame, how over-whelming that all is, I am glad you are in Cuba with or without packed clothes :-)

I feel the same fate is set for me as well, maybe we should have our own support group?

You are doing the right thing and luckily you have a husband who supports you 100%, that is important.

As for the kids, I hope that improves for you.

To end on positive note: you are strong, capeable and your dad asked you for a reason, because he already knows how wonderful you are. :-)

The Septic Tank Blog said...
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hapi said...
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Nicole said...

I am sorry to hear that your busy taking care of your father. I hope your life gets better so you can write more blogs and that your father will get better soon. I really like your blogs I think they are interesting. Have a great day :)